"Things You Shouldn't Say"
"Keep Your Mouth Shut If You Know What's Good For You"
Cops - Things You Shouldn't Spout At Them From The Side Of Your Car
After being caught speeding the following are some of the worst things you could say
to a cop as you wind down your window.
*
"The Road Is So Blurry tonight, isn't it officer?"
"If I was going so fast, how come you caught up with me"
"Sorry officer, I was reading the speedo in French (Metric)"
"Did I come first?"
"You must have been going awfully fast to catch up with me!"
"Excuse me, Officer is your light out?" and then get in your car
and drive off swiftly as he inspects it.
"You should have used a motorbike, you'd have caught up better"
"You look like the cops in Grand Theft Auto!"
"Excuse me, don't you think my trunk is roomy do you want to test it out" then simply push, slam
and lock"
"If you think my speeding is bad wait until you see what's in my trunk!"
"Sorry Officer, I was just trying to catch the start of Countdown!"
"Are you trying to seduce me, officer!" when you're a male and so is the arresting officer.
Try to bribe the officer with drugs.
If you fail to co-operate and the policeman has to arrest you and put you in the back of his car,
say "are you trying to kidnap me!"
"My mummy says you are what you eat, my friend says cops are pigs, are you what you eat?!"
"Sorry sir, I was too busy listening to the radio to watch my speed"
"What the hell are you doing stopping me, I'm late for an important meeting"
Take a laptop and your drive and when you are stopped for your inevitable
ineptitude of driving skills say to the officer "look officer moron, laptops are for the lap,
how am I meant to look at the road when I've got a laptop on my lap".
"But you were speeding to catch up with me!"
"Officer you've got enough donuts there to turn into handcuffs and then maybe you could eat
me free instead of giving me a ticket"
"Sorry sir, I was just trying to get on Street Crime UK, after being rejected of Big Brother"
If you are Michael Weiner say to the officer "calm down love, it's a commercial".
Install curtains in your car and when you see the officer approaching draw them whilst you're driving,
it'll soon go dark in more ways than one.
"Get back to work you lazy bum, I'm an undercover officer"
If you are talking to a WPC, a female cop say "Are those airbags for protection in case of a crash?"
Dentists - How To Rub Them Up The Wrong Way"Can you just knock these back into place please"
"They were like that when I got here"
"Could you close the window, my teeth are hurting"
"It's a shame we're not naked, except in the face"
"you're lucky I've got body hair"
"Is that blood for a reason?"
When offered a toothbrush "You want me to put your stick in my mouth?"
"Do these teeth make me look fat?"
"Do you want me to smile and think of England"
If it's a female dentist say "Do you expect me to sit here and look at your hairy chest
all your time"
"Don't you like Ice Cream too"
Fast Food Employee
"that's pretty cheap, I got more money in my purse, if you want to change your mind and pretend
Parents - How To Make Them Wish They Had Been Infertile
"Do you want to come to my party while you're away"
"Why should I do the dishes, that's your job"
"you really could brush up on your golf skills, I've seen you play with your stick
in your bedroom"
"Daddy is Mummy OK I heard her screaming last night!"
"Dad why are you paying me to do the things that Mum asks you to do, it's not going to stop the nagging"
"Dad, meet my boyfriend he's sent me letters from prison & everything"
"Dad, that Lhambourghini in the drive, it's not doing anything, can I take it into town?",
..
"Dad, about your lhambourghini..."
"Dad, can me and Melissa go to her house and play with her pussy, it's very hairy"
"You've got writing skills right, make my F look like a B on my report card!"..
"F mains failed as in you are a terrible father".
"But it's not as if you were using that £1000 for anything"
After failing your exams and getting an F in everything "Oh Well Dad, at least
I'm following in your footsteps."
"Yeah, but the horse needed a home, and your bedroom was the most empty room"
"The poor girl needed a place to stay, I figured my bed would be fit for her"
Your father will reply with "with you in it?"
and you will reply with
"twice the comfort!"
After you have trampled mud inside the house
"well maybe you should put a carpet out there then"
Teacher
"What! you expect me to do homework? you nazi!"
"I saw you in the supermarket the other day what were you doing to that mans bottom?"
"you're so wrong, World War II ended in 1845"
"Could you chuck me that eraser"
"I'd rather be in World War II than this blitz of a histry class"
"Do you want to get married, can we have an inappropriate relationship"
"What size is your penis?" - especially female. when challenged "school is all about learning isn't it"
"Can you get the way out of my spray!, I am trying to write your name followed by "sucks"!"
"You're just talking a load of rubbish, did you get that off Wikipedia or something"
"I don't know how you got employed in this facility, I could teach better reading off Wikipedia, Why don't you resign because of stress!"
"Keep Your Mouth Shut If You Know What's Good For You"
Cops - Things You Shouldn't Spout At Them From The Side Of Your Car
After being caught speeding the following are some of the worst things you could say
to a cop as you wind down your window.
*
"The Road Is So Blurry tonight, isn't it officer?"
"If I was going so fast, how come you caught up with me"
"Sorry officer, I was reading the speedo in French (Metric)"
"Did I come first?"
"You must have been going awfully fast to catch up with me!"
"Excuse me, Officer is your light out?" and then get in your car
and drive off swiftly as he inspects it.
"You should have used a motorbike, you'd have caught up better"
"You look like the cops in Grand Theft Auto!"
"Excuse me, don't you think my trunk is roomy do you want to test it out" then simply push, slam
and lock"
"If you think my speeding is bad wait until you see what's in my trunk!"
"Sorry Officer, I was just trying to catch the start of Countdown!"
"Are you trying to seduce me, officer!" when you're a male and so is the arresting officer.
Try to bribe the officer with drugs.
If you fail to co-operate and the policeman has to arrest you and put you in the back of his car,
say "are you trying to kidnap me!"
"My mummy says you are what you eat, my friend says cops are pigs, are you what you eat?!"
"Sorry sir, I was too busy listening to the radio to watch my speed"
"What the hell are you doing stopping me, I'm late for an important meeting"
Take a laptop and your drive and when you are stopped for your inevitable
ineptitude of driving skills say to the officer "look officer moron, laptops are for the lap,
how am I meant to look at the road when I've got a laptop on my lap".
"But you were speeding to catch up with me!"
"Officer you've got enough donuts there to turn into handcuffs and then maybe you could eat
me free instead of giving me a ticket"
"Sorry sir, I was just trying to get on Street Crime UK, after being rejected of Big Brother"
If you are Michael Weiner say to the officer "calm down love, it's a commercial".
Install curtains in your car and when you see the officer approaching draw them whilst you're driving,
it'll soon go dark in more ways than one.
"Get back to work you lazy bum, I'm an undercover officer"
If you are talking to a WPC, a female cop say "Are those airbags for protection in case of a crash?"
Dentists - How To Rub Them Up The Wrong Way"Can you just knock these back into place please"
"They were like that when I got here"
"Could you close the window, my teeth are hurting"
"It's a shame we're not naked, except in the face"
"you're lucky I've got body hair"
"Is that blood for a reason?"
When offered a toothbrush "You want me to put your stick in my mouth?"
"Do these teeth make me look fat?"
"Do you want me to smile and think of England"
If it's a female dentist say "Do you expect me to sit here and look at your hairy chest
all your time"
"Don't you like Ice Cream too"
Fast Food Employee
"that's pretty cheap, I got more money in my purse, if you want to change your mind and pretend
Parents - How To Make Them Wish They Had Been Infertile
"Do you want to come to my party while you're away"
"Why should I do the dishes, that's your job"
"you really could brush up on your golf skills, I've seen you play with your stick
in your bedroom"
"Daddy is Mummy OK I heard her screaming last night!"
"Dad why are you paying me to do the things that Mum asks you to do, it's not going to stop the nagging"
"Dad, meet my boyfriend he's sent me letters from prison & everything"
"Dad, that Lhambourghini in the drive, it's not doing anything, can I take it into town?",
..
"Dad, about your lhambourghini..."
"Dad, can me and Melissa go to her house and play with her pussy, it's very hairy"
"You've got writing skills right, make my F look like a B on my report card!"..
"F mains failed as in you are a terrible father".
"But it's not as if you were using that £1000 for anything"
After failing your exams and getting an F in everything "Oh Well Dad, at least
I'm following in your footsteps."
"Yeah, but the horse needed a home, and your bedroom was the most empty room"
"The poor girl needed a place to stay, I figured my bed would be fit for her"
Your father will reply with "with you in it?"
and you will reply with
"twice the comfort!"
After you have trampled mud inside the house
"well maybe you should put a carpet out there then"
Teacher
"What! you expect me to do homework? you nazi!"
"I saw you in the supermarket the other day what were you doing to that mans bottom?"
"you're so wrong, World War II ended in 1845"
"Could you chuck me that eraser"
"I'd rather be in World War II than this blitz of a histry class"
"Do you want to get married, can we have an inappropriate relationship"
"What size is your penis?" - especially female. when challenged "school is all about learning isn't it"
"Can you get the way out of my spray!, I am trying to write your name followed by "sucks"!"
"You're just talking a load of rubbish, did you get that off Wikipedia or something"
"I don't know how you got employed in this facility, I could teach better reading off Wikipedia, Why don't you resign because of stress!"
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